How To Find A Good Girl in Thailand

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Portrait of a beautiful university student in Thailand drinking coffee.

Very rarely do I meet expats in Thailand who don’t trash-talk Thai girls, or go about describing them as helpless puppies in need of their divine guidance. It’s quite saddening actually, because unless you’ve met a virgin–and there are plenty of them–you really haven’t met many good Thai girls. You can easily find a good girl in Thailand, but the folk that make the kingdom their sexual playground won’t stop bemoaning its dating scene, yet spend their time chasing love in all the wrong places (Read: Soi Nana).

I’ve got one piece of advice on finding a good girl in Thailand:

Get out of the bars and do what you’d do back home.

Go on dates.

If you want to find a good girl in Thailand, she won’t be in bars. She’ll be in places where girls back in your home country would be: at work, at the gym, hanging out with her friends, etc. I’ve lived in Thailand for over 5 years now and have never had trouble running into good girls.

Picture of a beautiful and good Thai girl in Bangkok.
Most of the good girls in Thailand lay the smack down on bar girls. Pictured here is my friend Zen–a perfect example of a good girl in Thailand. Although her style has a sexy edge, she is very well-mannered and classy. If you don’t have your life together and can’t speak Thai, don’t bother.

The dating scene is exactly as it would be in the UK. I look at it no differently. But when I do find good girls in Thailand, there are distinct differences in cultural values which I’ve learned to take into account.

Here are cultural differences you can expect if you find a good girl in Thailand:

1. Language Barrier

That is the single biggest hurdle any expat will face. About 5-10% of Thai girls will have a decent enough command of English to carry on a passable conversation. If you move to Thailand and want to meet the remaining 95% of the girl population, which is a huge pool of very good girls, you will need to learn Thai. It’s that simple. Thai girls are very shy and their command of English alone is enough to deter them from dating a foreigner.

If you do speak Thai you will find that you are able to date Thai girls that are totally off-limits to non-Thai speaking foreigners. I have a pretty decent command of Thai and am not in the least bit concerned about competition from other expats.

2. The Third Wheel

When you find a good girl in Thailand, she’ll often come accompanied by a friend or family member on the first date. The unanticipated arrival of the third wheel shocked me at first, but I’ve since grown accustomed to it. If she comes accompanied by a sister or an aunt, you’ve more than likely hit a home run. I’ve found that the higher up the family echelon this third person is, the better the girl, usually.

3. They Are Not Promiscuous

As with any country in the world, you will find plenty of partners willing to sleep on first dates. However, there will be a distinct difference if you find a good girl in Thailand: sex won’t be on the table. It won’t even be on the table of the neighbor down the street. Many are actually virgins and will save themselves for marriage.

If you want to know how to find a good girl in Thailand like the beauty pictured here, you need to frequent Thai establishments pictured in the background.
One of the Banker’s friends, Ae, is a stunning Thai-Chinese mix and highly conservative.

Those who aren’t virgins but are good girls may actually confess the fact they’ve lost their virginity and ask if you’d still like to date them. If your girl is willing to sleep with you on the first date, you may be one of many expats on her rolodex of lovers.

4. You Are Number Two

This isn’t specific to good girls only, but to all girls. Family comes first and foremost in Thailand. If the girl introduces you to her family, it is a very big step into her trust zone. You will be expected to want to learn traditions and manners. You will need to accept that family comes first. For example, if her sister needs her for the day, yet you want to spend time with your good girl too, well, tough luck. Her sister wins. You need to get used to the fact that you’re permanently number two. No way around it.

5. They Dress Conservatively

And they expect the same from you. It’s not hard to find a good girl in Thailand, simply look around. If you see a girl with classy, conservative taste, she’s more than likely that way inside-out. If her shorts ride her crotch and her shirt isn’t far behind on the exposure scale, then you may have a party or bar girl on your hands. That isn’t to say the latter aren’t fun people, but we’re not talking about fun people here–we’re talking about how to find a good girl in Thailand.

A univeristy student in Thailand wearing a long skirt and loose blouse.
If you’re in the younger age bracket and dating college girls, you need to be aware that Thai university uniforms are supposed to look conservative and like this…
Thai university girls with very short skirts, definitely not a good indicator of a good girl in Thailand.
…not like this.

Here’s another tip on how to find a good girl in Thailand: check out her facebook page and see if she has any beach pictures. Many good girls wear shorts to the beach (even into the water). If she’s out in a Brazilian bikini, you may have found yourself a closet sex fiend. Admittedly, many of the girls in Bangkok have a more edgy style.

6. The Online Game

If you’re looking for a girl online, there are warning signs you should be on the lookout for. These include having her skype, line ID, or other social media info in her profile. If that is the case, she is probably being bombarded by messages (and is the type that constantly needs attention). Just like any other country, conservative girls wouldn’t reveal their personal information so readily.

tf-728x79If she is very slow to respond because she doesn’t log in often, you may have a winner. Those who log in very frequently may be playing the field–especially if their join date goes back a year or more.

7. The Ground Game

The most tactful way to approach a Thai girl, in my opinion, is by paying her a compliment and handing her a business card. It is non-confrontational, tangible, and discardable. If she doesn’t want to contact you, she can simply chuck the card away. Make sure your line ID is clearly visible on the business card. Line is the most commonly used social media chat application in Thailand. If she chooses to contact you, she will more than likely add you on Line and send you a cute sticker.

A beautiful young Thai girl taking a selfie
Girls of all ages in Thailand LOVE taking selfies. Everywhere you go, selfie time.

It just amazes me that such a bad reputation is given to good girls in Thailand–and why? Because of a prevailing sex industry? That’s no excuse to categorize them as sex toys. Some would venture to say that That girls are easier. It is true that foreigners can get away with more and are probably forgiven for some of their short-comings, such as dressing like crap. But the higher up the social echelon the girl, the less forgiveness you will find.

My biggest piece of advice is one repeated so often, yet always ignored: stay away from the bars. It astounds me how many successful folk fall in love with bar girls, thinking they’re wife material. Instead of feeling sorry and charitable for those who chose a certain path in life,

Learn Thai and find a good girl in Thailand.

It’s no different here than it would be anywhere else in the world. If you only speak Spanish and move to the U.S., you will need to learn English to communicate with an American woman.

Admittedly, I found ThaiFriendly to be the easiest way to quickly meet women. You’ll find many of the ladies there to be on the younger side, and they often speak decent English.

But my advice is to learn as much Thai as you can, because most of the girls in Thailand do not speak good English–especially in places like Chiang Mai or the South. Once you have a decent command of the language, which requires only a few months of practice, you’ll be surprised at the opportunities which open up before you.

You not only can find a good girl in Thailand.

But you’ll find yourself making very good friends with Thais and enjoying the country the way it is meant to be enjoyed,

In good company.


A few resources you may be interested in:

Do you have any advice of your own on how to find a good girl in Thailand? What has your dating experience been like in Thailand?

About the author: John Davidson is a fellow banker and graduate of Boston University. John graduated with a degree in Economics and then went on to pursue an MBA at Boston College. He has lived in Thailand for five and a half years and currently lives in Bangkok, where he met and got engaged to a good girl in Thailand.

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18 comments on “How To Find A Good Girl in Thailand

  1. One thing I seem to have noticed is a very negative attitude generally towards girls who work in Thai bars andf the men who go with them. Many of the girls are quite nice, personality wise. I have been ripped off by many types of people in Thailand, but least of all by the bar and Agogo girls. They seem to get a lot of blame for others in the rest of Thai societies imperfections.

    1. Hi John, They are nice to you because that is there job, they are trying to extract as much money from you as they can. I am sure they all had dreams when they left school, lawyer, doctor, dentist, etc. I can guarantee you that working in a bar that caters for men was not on that list, they are there for the money.

  2. this post re-states all the usually said things, without addressing the real issues. 1. Women of all ages, have an instinctive mental barrier against dating men they do not know through specific repetative social things that they do, or through friends. 2. Most attractuive young women are very much concentrated in very specific things such as going to University. If you are over 25 years of age, then you are not in her social groups, dont do the same things, dont know her friends etc. 3. Point no. 2 means that ppoint number one is unattainable, and the woman may as well be living on another planet. Going to some cooking class, sports club etc – go try it and waste your time! 4. Because of the catch 22, men go to places where it is possible to interact with women in a manner that is going to work, i.e. e.g. bars in Thailand. Do they go there because they are nieve about the chances of starting a meaningfull relationship? NO!!! Furthermore, as someone who mlives in Thailand, i simply casnnot understand where all these people are finding Thais with poor English. I speak Thai to the Thais because I learned the language for personal reasons. Very seldom ever HAD to use it. Certainly not the last time I was in Isaan, or Krabi.

    1. Hi John, you’re right in that many posts restate the same things, but I’d like to think I’ve added a few extras here and there. However, comments like yours give the post even more depths, and I really appreciate your take on things and taking the time to share your view.

  3. When someone complains about loose Thai girls my reaction would be ‘stop dating bar girls you dick…’. Having dated quite a few, and never finding a bad egg I can say what type of girl I would normally find, but in no way go exclusively looking for. University educated, maybe studied a masters in UK, US,, upper middle class, well versed in western culture but not obsessed by it, and they are generally off put by dating farang because of the inevitable sex pest reputation which goes with. They’re genuinely just out to find a good guy in return… Which come few and far between at times. I’m working class and a bit of a dick, so I’ve always punched way above my weight to be honest. I would also avoid girls with many farang ‘friends’ and never meet girls who hang around in popular expat bars, areas, nightclubs etc, prime sugar daddy trolling areas. In short, girls in Thailand are no different than in any other society, Thailand has their abundance of skanks and gold diggers but it is up to guys to use common sense over their non-existent superiority as a ‘rich white guy’.
    Allan Wilson recently posted…Frying Fish in Fanfan’s KitchenMy Profile

    1. since when the above light skinned thai girls work as prostitutes? prostitutes in pattaya are all dark skinned Isaan women with african look from the poorest partof thailand.our light skinned thais are descendants of white dai race of altai mountains and white mon-khmer, and a lot of them have no chinse blood. chinese blood are darker.

      1. Tuk, with all due respect, I’ve seen plenty of light-skinned girls be prostitutes. I mean, I haven’t personally hired them lol but I have definitely seen many wandering along Walking Street in Pattaya. I don’t think all come from Issan, although many probably do. You have beautiful women.

      2. ‘White dai race’? Dai people are certainly not white, they are asian (which is seen to most of the world as brown – and certainly not white from a white person’s perspective). Tuk, there is no shame in being brown, black, white, whatever, but I get the feeling you have been brainwashed by your culture that white is superior, hence referring to dai individuals as white and going even further by distinguishing chinese people in comparison. I love the irony of white people going to the tropics to catch a tan and some backwards SE Asians staying out of the sun to avoid looking lowerclass/poor/whatever negative indoctrination by their culture. Like with most things, it all comes down to lack of education. Get out of your head that prostitutes are only dark skinned as ‘white’ dai women are ‘above’ that and don’t have the same socioeconomic disadvantages as other Thai women. This sort of thinking is unsurprising from the mindset of someone from a developing country as it’s not their fault they have not been exposed to rich and poor people from all races (they must just think white = rich and dark = poor and the very limited media they are exposed to doesn’t help) but Thailand is only one country is this vast world of ours. I know you don’t to hear it but if a dai individual traveled to a developed OR western country, they certainly would not be classified as white. But who cares? No race is superior and we all are human. Please do not judge your fellow countrymen on skin color but rather by heart.

  4. Although personally some of the terms in this post didn’t gel with me (calling women girls, talking about good girls in a way that implied that there were also “bad” girls in the madonna-whore complex type way). I generally agreed with the post and even found myself going, “well DAH!”

    If someone wants to find love anywhere, going to a prostitute isn’t a good start sure. Also, treating her like a sex doll isn’t a good start either. I don’t think these guys’ will read this post though sadly.

    Most of these things are pretty logical. I’d like to see more success stories of people who’ve found love as expats anywhere in the world personally. Also, more about Thai culture is always welcome. 🙂

  5. Seems generally right but at the same time doesn’t exactly match the women I know here, working in a normal Thai company. Most speak decent English, and I don’t date them (I’m married) but it seems the paradigm of saving themselves for marriage is as dated as it would be in the west. Seems like out in the country or 20 years ago this all would have been accurate. As far as the main point of not meeting women in bars of course prostitution and even freelancing are common here. Aside from that someone just might meet a woman that drinks in bars in a bar, for better or worse.

  6. I guess these are the types of articles that get a lot of traffic, so I don’t blame your choice of content, Banker! Perhaps I’ll write up something on a somewhat related topic on my own blog, though as I’m female, the topic will unlikely be about how to find a nice Japanese woman (not “girl” – isn’t that either diminutive or illegal?). I don’t feel expat men (westerners) in Asia are really so burdened, comparatively, with the challenge of finding local love. How about balancing out with article on pursuing a “nice” Thai man? Though the market is likely smaller, I’m pretty sure it’s there.

    Do you think your male readers are naive enough to think they could actually find a “good girl” in a THAI BAR? I’ve been to Thailand 8 times, and from day one I got the strong impression that most Thai bars were where people went to pursue sex, not romance or relationships. Do so many “nice” couples in any country meet in bars, anyway? I don’t know the statistics, but I don’t personally know of many long-term relationships that started in any bar, though I imagine they must exist to a certain extent. I have a few male expat friends living in Thailand with positively lovely local girlfriends/wives, and no, they certainly didn’t find them in bars – they met them through mutual Thai friends and coworkers at casual social events. I also know a western man with a “nice” ladyboy partner, but I never got around to asking how they met.

    1. Dear Trine, thank you for your comment.

      1. My (guest) posts are not always unisex, as in my Saudi post about “Being A Woman In Saudi Arabia.”
      2. In the event I do not post a unisex post, I try to double-post that same day with a unisex post–in this case, “Seven Natural Attractions In Turkey”.
      3. Your comment about expat males never going to bars to find good women makes too much sense, herein lies the problem. Sense flies out the window for many love-seekers in Thailand–there IS no sense. I know a handful myself, successful international bankers and lawyers who took all the wrong turns in Bangkok. That does not encompass all males, but a good chunk.

      Fortunately, stories about Western women being taken for a ride in Bangkok are sparse, if not non-existent. If you would like to guest post an alternate opinion on my blog, you are more than welcome to. I mean it in all seriousness, I am very interested in your take. Thanks again for taking the time to relay some very good points.

      1. Cheers! You’ve made me reflect on the extent to which my own blog posts are likely more geared to a female audience, in fact, which is not necessarily my goal. Noted! I don’t think there is anything wrong with appealing to just one gender, by the way. I do admit that the above post came as a surprise, but I guess I hadn’t read enough of your previous posts to get a proper overall impression of your site (which is great so far, by the way, and I’m sorry my first comment to you comes across as more of a criticism than a compliment)! Cheers for your offer – If I come up with anything I feel your audience might like (or anything you’d like me to offer), I’d be happy to share. Sadly, my dating experiences in Asia are sparse… Speaking of Saudi, that is a topic that originally what brought me to your site. I’m thinking of relocating there in a few years, and your posts on the country have been very inspiring.
        Trine recently posted…Get educated for free from anywhere with MOOCs – top resourcesMy Profile

        1. I appreciate it 🙂 Saudi is a great place to work, but the culture shock when you first get there is immense. It hits like you a brick wall. You’ll usually know within the first month if you can even last a year. It’s that kind of place–I really recommend #1 Jeddah, #2 Dammam, and #3 Riyadh. The last is just very conservative, you’ll find tons of expats in #1 and #2.

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